I get to join the club!

Today was my first consultation with the surgeon.  I woke up super early because I was so nervous/excited and wrote out all the questions I had.  Then on the way to the surgical center I started getting shaky and cranky. I realized I'd forgotten to eat breakfast.  Normally I would just power through it, but I didn't know how long it was going to take and I didn't want to rush the meeting or start getting spacy, so we pulled over at McDonalds. I ate a cheeseburger because they'd stopped serving breakfast.  I haven't had a McDonalds cheeseburger since all that news on pink slime came out a couple years ago.  That cheeseburger tasted soo freaking good!  I didn't even think about pink slime.  I felt kind of weird eating a fast food cheeseburger for breakfast on my way to get approved for bariatric surgery. In retrospect I could've stopped at the gas station or Walgreens and gotten a banana or granola bar, and I totally forgot there was a Panera near the doctor's office.  I would've much preferred Panera.  But in the future, I will try to not forget to eat breakfast in the first place.

Anyway, the appointment was great.  They took my blood which I was not prepared for but I didn't let it freak me out.  Usually I need some mental self-talking before I get stuck with needles.  They have to test it for Vitamin D deficiency.  While I was sitting in the waiting room I was thinking the chairs were kind of funny.  They were bigger than regular chairs, but not quite big enough to be actual love seats.  Then I realized they were for people who are maybe too big for regular chairs.  That made my heart fill with love for the surgical center.

The actual consultation was awesome.  He put all my fears about getting 80% of my stomach cut out to rest.  Unlike the surgeon that ran the seminar I was in, he's still very pro lap-band but I decided to go with the sleeve anyway.  He also said I don't have dyspepsia. That crazy feeling I get sometimes is low blood sugar.

The most exciting things!

- Because I'm self-pay he thinks that I can probably have surgery in about a month.  A month!!

-I can eat sushi til the cows come home.  Or sashimi if I can't deal with the rice.  This is huge because I really don't think I could give up salmon sashimi.

- He can do the surgery with one incision because I'm under 5'8" and have never had a surgery before.  

- I don't have to have a catheter! This was giving me nightmares.  And while he is going to stick two things down my throat, I will be completely asleep and won't even know about it.

- He doesn't think I will have an excess skin problem because I have "youth on my side," I already exercise, and (this made me laugh inside),  I'm "very small."  I swear no one has ever used those words to describe me before, and after he said it he said "I mean, I mean" but compared to many of the patients he operates on I don't have as much weight to lose.  But, he said it wouldn't hurt to start strength training since I've always focused on cardio.

- One last thing!  I still have to talk to the self-pay lady to figure out any hidden costs and she's on vacation until the 5th, but it's going to be less expensive than I thought.  I was terrified it was going to be a lot LOT more than lap-band since I have to stay overnight in the hospital, but this center has a self-pay, cash up-front package, and the only thing I have to pay for that's extra is the pulmonary test.

 So, yay!  I get to join the WLS club!  To think within a year I could weigh a lot less and have more energy to LIVE and not be in so much pain.

hot knives and sushi rolls

I've been laid up in bed with sciatic pain.  This is pretty annoying since I've recommitted to exercising and excited to go to the pool everyday.  I've experienced this pain, to a much lesser degree, in the back of my leg for years, but I always thought it was a pulled muscle from yoga. A yoga injury! And it would just act up from time to time.  Then within the last year I've had trouble getting in and out of the car, and sitting for long periods of time becomes excruciating.  I thought it was just the evils of having to sit for work.  Also, the pain was just in my leg, and I always thought sciatic was in the back/hip so it never occurred to me.  But this past week it's definitely made itself known in my back and hip.

I read that exercise is better for it than laying around, so I did my regular swim yesterday.  But then last night and today it felt like a hot knife was slicing the back of my thigh, so I decided to lay in bed today and not move and give it a little rest. 

I've been compiling questions to ask Dr. G on Monday.  Three more full days until I meet with him!  I was going to post my questions, but as I read over them, they seem kind of dumb and self-explanatory.  For example: Will I be able to eat the rice on my beloved salmon sushi roll?  Does miso soup count as a clear broth? 

Maybe I won't ask those questions after all.

changes

Since the day I sent in my packet to the surgical center, I've been trying to make changes I know I'll have to make anyway.

I'm exercising again.  First I was just doing the elliptical.  But that got boring real quick.  So I renewed my gym membership and I've been swimming again.  I do a mile every morning.  I used to be able to swim a mile no problem, now it's really hard.  In fact, I'm not even actually swimming.  I just take the kickboard and kick laps.  Sometimes I put the floaty thing between my knees and just do strokes.  It's so much harder than it used to be.  I'm so uncoordinated and all over the place.  What I cannot do is kick and stroke at the same time.  You know, actual swimming.  But I'll get there, eventually.

I also plan on practicing yoga again.  I need to, because I used to love it so much.  And also, I think it will really help my back.

The thing with me is I was always okay with the exercise, until I just gave up a couple years ago.  But I could and would walk for miles, or hike.  When I lived in Los Angeles, I would walk Runyon Canyon daily, run the stairs and hills by my apartment.  But it was still a fight to stay just below 185.

Food.  I'm trying.  I'm working on reducing the soda and drinking more and more water.  I've spent a lot of time googling "lap-band food" "gastric sleeve food" and just copying their menus.

A new, awesome market opened up near my house and they have a good salad bar, and an amazing prepared foods section.  I'm kind of in a routine, which I've never had before, where I can eat regular meals.  I've been eating a salmon sushi roll every day for lunch.  Hopefully I will never have to give up sushi.  I can eat it without the rice if I have to.  Also! They have the most excellent cream of chicken soup.  If I have to eat only liquids for a time, I can see myself living on that. 

It's like I don't even care about Christmas this year.  I can't wait to get past Christmas and to December 31, when I have my consultation appointment.  That's my Christmas.

I'm really excited, but I'm also scared.  What if he says I'm not a candidate?  I don't know why he would say this.  I'm 100 over the weight I want to be.  (I know there may be a difference in the weight I WANT to be, and a healthy weight I should be).  According to those online things, my BMI is at a 40. 

I'm worried my depression issues might come into play.  The surgeon at the seminar had said something about not doing WLS on people with depression, but I don't think I understood him correctly.

Anyway, I don't think I'm depressed anymore.  Or maybe I was never depressed, I was just having a hard time and got misdiagnosed and put on this horrible medication.  In any case, even if I was diagnosed correctly, I'm not as depressed as I used to be, and I'm trying hard to get off this horrible medication.  And being overweight has always been one of the major things that made me depressed.

So, December 31.  I can't wait.

November 30, 2012

I sent my packet to the surgery center this morning. I made an actual appointment for the consultation yesterday. I meet with Dr. Guske on December 31.  It took me a long time to get to this point.  Almost a month.  I was really depressed about everything.  I decided I just couldn't do it.  I lost my insurance a couple years ago, so I would have to pay for it myself and I'm a student.  The adjustments are $300 a pop.  They said there's about six adjustments a year.  And, if I did have some complication, how I would pay for that?

Also, I have issues with depression.  What if I pay all that money and it doesn't work?  Or, maybe even worse, it does work and I'm still miserable?  So, I decided to not get WLS for the time being. 

The time being lasted about two weeks because it's like I lost all hope.  I was so bummed.  It's like my future had changed and I was going to be trapped in this body, and sick, and in pain forever, whereas before, I had this tiny sliver of hope that I would end up with the life I've wanted.

I talked to my mom.  My mom talked to me.  And I filled out all the paperwork and sent it to the center.   This is further than I've gotten before.

 I've decided to start now. NOW. I'm going to start making the changes I would need to make with surgery anyway. I'm going back to the gym, I'm going to swim and do yoga and use the elliptical and eat healthier and drink more water and start cutting back on the soda.

Maybe part of me thinks that the changes will work and I won't have to get surgery. But, I'm not going to think too much about that now. Just move forward. See what happens. 

November 8, 2012

I went to the seminar tonight. Since my last seminar was just over two years ago, I needed to attend another one before I could schedule my consultation.  My sister came with me. I could tell she didn't want to, and I told her to just drop me off, but at the last second she manned up and came in with me. She probably knew my mom would give her hell for not going with me.

There wasn't much new in this seminar, although I learned a little more about the sleeve. Apparently it cuts out the part of your stomach that is prone to cancer. But I'm still all about the band.  The surgeon said that because of my age, at some point before I die of old age, some type of repair work will have to be done on the band.  I did not like this information.  He also talked about the problems lap band has. Like slippage from coughing, or throwing up from the flu. I did not know that coughing was going to be an issue.

Anyway, I didn't really like this surgeon. He seemed impatient with the questions and I knew I wouldn't be comfortable with him.  He also kind of implied people who choose lapband have lack of commitment because its reversible.

I tried making my consultation with Dr. G right then, but he's only in the office on Mondays when my mom works, and I really wanted her to come with me. I wonder if that will be weird, having my mother in the consultation, but I need someone there to remember what is said, or ask the questions I'm not thinking of.  I will call tomorrow to make the appointment. I guess I will just go by myself.

Wow. Am I really going to do this?  I made a consultation appointment two years ago and cancelled.