I sent my packet to the surgery center this morning. I made an actual appointment for the consultation yesterday. I meet with Dr. Guske on December 31. It took me a long time to get to this point. Almost a month. I was really depressed about everything. I decided I just couldn't do it. I lost my insurance a couple years ago, so I would have to pay for it myself and I'm a student. The adjustments are $300 a pop. They said there's about six adjustments a year. And, if I did have some complication, how I would pay for that?
Also, I have issues with depression. What if I pay all that money and it doesn't work? Or, maybe even worse, it does work and I'm still miserable? So, I decided to not get WLS for the time being.
The time being lasted about two weeks because it's like I lost all hope. I was so bummed. It's like my future had changed and I was going to be trapped in this body, and sick, and in pain forever, whereas before, I had this tiny sliver of hope that I would end up with the life I've wanted.
I talked to my mom. My mom talked to me. And I filled out all the paperwork and sent it to the center. This is further than I've gotten before.
I've decided to start now. NOW. I'm going to start making the changes I would need to make with surgery anyway. I'm going back to the gym, I'm going to swim and do yoga and use the elliptical and eat healthier and drink more water and start cutting back on the soda.
Maybe part of me thinks that the changes will work and I won't have to get surgery. But, I'm not going to think too much about that now. Just move forward. See what happens.
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