Friday, May 3, 2013

olives and edamame

I'm down 38 pounds.  I cheated and got on the scale the day before and it said I was down 40, but then that day I ate olives and the salt bloated me up two pounds for official weigh in day. 

It's kind of hard.  I didn't buy the olives for myself.  My aunt knows I love them and she bought my favorite kind, along with tortilla chips, bread, and artichoke spinach dip.  She also bought me lunchables, which I don't even know.  I've never in my life eaten a lunchable.  She got mad a week later when I didn't eat the dip.  Then I got mad, at myself and her.  I spent $20,000 plus on this surgery.  If I end up wasting a $3.00 vat of spinach dip, then so be it.  It happened last night too.  We went to dinner and I ordered the ahi tuna and a side of edamame.  She usually eats edamame so I thought we could share it, and if not, I coud take it home and eat it as a snack since there is no easy protein in the house. 

She got really mad when I didn't eat the entire bowl of edamame at dinner.  She said really snotty, "You sure as hell better be taking that home."  I got all hot and ragey but I controlled myself because there was another guest at dinner and I said, "Obviously I'm going to be taking it home."  I take home leftovers all the time.  I always have.   I don't know where her weird attitude is coming from, but I feel pressure to eat and I feel guilty about that spinach dip.  Like, should I offer to pay her $3.00 for the wasted spinach dip?  It's ridiculous because I know it's not about the money. 

Anyway, dealing with her issues about my food is frustrating.

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