I feel like everything is happening really fast. Or, the fact it's happening at all, after thinking about this so long, is freaking me out a little. I met with the patient liason today. I have my psych eval and ultrasound next week. I'm supposed to set up my pulmonary appointment and and nutrition class myself.
I'm supposed to bring in the surgeon's portion of the payment next week. It's when I think about the money, actually giving them a check for thousands of dollars that it all feels crazy to me. Am I really going to do this? I mean, of course I am. But, really?!
After the appointment I went to potbelly for lunch. I do not feel mentally ready to have gastric sleeve. I don't know what I'm supposed to eat. Maybe I haven't recovered from that fateful trip to Minnesota, because I WANT to eat sandwiches and soda. Usually I eat them because they are easy, right now they feel like the only food in the world.
At least after potbelly I went to the gym. I wasn't going to because I got a late start today, I'm two days behind in school work, and I already took a shower today (it is true that I sometimes base whether or not I work out that day on if I can bear to shower and do my hair again). But I thought JUST DO IT! and I drove to the gym. And for the first time ever, I did two miles in a row. One kicking and one water walking. The walking part took a long time because sometimes in the deeper end I lose my footing and float away.
Yeah, its tough. After my final meeting with the Dr before my surgery I went to Shippleys Donuts, ordered a donze and ate 8 of them.
ReplyDeleteI really worried about it...all the what ifs. I can't tell you how you will feel when its done, but I can tell you this. If I had to go back and do it over, I would. In a second. Without hesitation.
Eating is not where I get comfort and pleasure anymore, and not being able to eat for comfort is actually really nice, freeing. :)
You will find other things to eat out, you will also find that you can eat anything eventually... just never in the amounts that you used to. I've lost interest in fried foods. I still can eat them, but I have a couple bites. Its good!
Thank you for this. I will have to find other things for comfort and I don't know what yet. But I will find them. I think just the idea of needing something (a soda) and not being able to have it, will send me off the rails. But I will find other ways to deal.
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