six weeks

Just yesterday I finally started feeling much better.  It's like the black cloud of anger and misery started to lift.  I was really regretting and hating this surgery.  I'm sure my black mood had a lot to do with having pneumonia, which I wonder if it's all connected.  I think my lighter mood has to do with the fact I've been able to exercise a couple times this week.  The endorphins are starting to kick in.  I got the okay to go back into the pool, but with the pneumonia recovery I haven't wanted to get in the water and my breathing still isn't great.  But I've lost enough weight that I can walk better, so I've been doing that.  I've been coughing up a lung, but I do it anyway.  And yesterday I went back to the gym and started lifting weights.  I'm so weak and I've afraid I've lost so much muscle mass.  My hips and butt are just total mush, and I've always had strong thighs, but now I imagine them all withered and tiny.  But I'm telling myself I'll get stronger.

I've been one week on general food.  Unfortunately my stomach is uncomfortable a lot of the time.  The only thing that doesn't hurt too bad is sashimi.  I ate it twice so far this week.  It feels kind of extravagant, but if that's the only thing that doesn't bother my stomach, so be it.