The diet bet starts tomorrow. I'm all weighed in, but not quite ready to go. I need to get groceries and do some food prep, but I haven't even started on my work for the day so I'm not sure when I'll get to the grocery store. Scheduling. Priorities. Put those on my goals list.
Some other things on my goals list:
Don't drink my calories. Stick to water.
Work out.
A little meal prep so I don't get so hungry I blow it.
Minimize time reading and watching the news because it paralyzes me.
Not weight related, I have to get focused on school work this week. Last week definitely slipped away after the dog biting incident. I'm still in a funk, I still am doing the bare minimum of work, but I've written out a work schedule and I'm just going to stick to it. Just sit there and put in the hours, even if my head isn't completely in it.
I did go to my neighbor's for the first time yesterday. I didn't realize the dog was still there. She goes home today. She really is the sweetest thing. She remembered me and crawled right in my lap. My neighbor said the dog snapped at her nephew when he leaned in to kiss her. The dog was sitting right next to her when it happened. She doesn't think she'll watch the dog again. It breaks my heart because I love the dog, she just needs a little extra awareness when people get in her space. I'm trying to be less involved with my neighbor, so I didn't say anything. I didn't want to be involved in this whole dog business in the first place. I regret the day I met this lady.
Okay. Time to get to work. I'm going to make this a good week.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
two oh six
My first weigh in on my new scale put me at 206, which is four pounds less than I thought I was, but I also hadn't eaten in 48 hours. That's all changed now. My appetite has come back with a vengeance!
My weight ticker is supposed to go here. Why won't it post correctly?!
<a href="https://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wdaoyPs/">
<img border="0" src="https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wdaoyPs/weight.png"></a>
I joined a Dietbet. I never thought I'd join one of these. I hate deadlines and PRESSURE... but I love the people that are hosting this bet. And I was planning on losing the weight anyway, so I thought I'd try it out. I need to lose 4% of my body weight in a month to get my money back. So that's 8 or 9 pounds, I think... I'm so terrible at math. The diet bet starts next week.
Dog drama update.
Instead of not being able to sleep, now all I do is sleep. The neighbor I was walking the dog for is really pissing me off. She wasn't there and she's telling me it was no big deal, everyone understands, et cetera, et cetera.
Today she asked me if I was coming over to walk her dogs because she hurt her leg and can't get out of bed. #1. I don't want to leave my house. #2. I don't want to walk dogs ever again, but definitely not today.
I don't know if I should just say, "I can't come over today. Sorry." Or... no. I think that's what I need to do. I've needed to set boundaries with this lady for a long time. I'm terrible at setting boundaries. I feel bad for her. That's why I was helping her out. But walking dogs and going outside is beyond what I am capable of right now.
This whole thing has thrown off my schedule. It's 4:30 and I haven't even started my work for today. I will probably be working until 2 or 3 in the morning which screws me up for the next day.
I need to GET IT TOGETHER!!!
My weight ticker is supposed to go here. Why won't it post correctly?!
<a href="https://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wdaoyPs/">
<img border="0" src="https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wdaoyPs/weight.png"></a>
I joined a Dietbet. I never thought I'd join one of these. I hate deadlines and PRESSURE... but I love the people that are hosting this bet. And I was planning on losing the weight anyway, so I thought I'd try it out. I need to lose 4% of my body weight in a month to get my money back. So that's 8 or 9 pounds, I think... I'm so terrible at math. The diet bet starts next week.
Dog drama update.
Instead of not being able to sleep, now all I do is sleep. The neighbor I was walking the dog for is really pissing me off. She wasn't there and she's telling me it was no big deal, everyone understands, et cetera, et cetera.
Today she asked me if I was coming over to walk her dogs because she hurt her leg and can't get out of bed. #1. I don't want to leave my house. #2. I don't want to walk dogs ever again, but definitely not today.
I don't know if I should just say, "I can't come over today. Sorry." Or... no. I think that's what I need to do. I've needed to set boundaries with this lady for a long time. I'm terrible at setting boundaries. I feel bad for her. That's why I was helping her out. But walking dogs and going outside is beyond what I am capable of right now.
This whole thing has thrown off my schedule. It's 4:30 and I haven't even started my work for today. I will probably be working until 2 or 3 in the morning which screws me up for the next day.
I need to GET IT TOGETHER!!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
four year anniversary
February 19th was my four year anniversary for getting my sleeve. I missed it because I was experiencing one of the most distressing events of my life. Well, let's say it's in the Top 8 of most distressing. That sounds so dramatic! Well, it was to me. I know it's not that big compared to what's going on the world, but I can't get a grasp on any perspective right now.
Long story short: I was walking a dog for my neighbor so she could go see her uncle, and one of the neighborhood kids got bit.
In the end it's all been worked out. It was a very superficial wound. The kid's parents are being reimbursed by my neighbor's insurance. There were no police involved. The neighborhood is secretly on my side because they know the kid is a monster and they've all had dealings with him. The kid's mom has told me everything is fine.
It's over. Everything is okay.
But I still feel very upset. There are so many things I wish I would've done differently, especially how it was handled afterwards. I keep obsessing about it. I can't sleep. I keep replaying it over in my mind. I have this horrible headache that won't go away. I don't want to leave the house. I feel like I failed the dog. Even though I want to kill the kid, I feel terrible that I didn't keep him safe. I keep crying. I don't want to walk dogs anymore, not even my own. My sister has had to walk our dog, and I feel ridiculous and useless.
I guess the one good thing is I lost my appetite. I never knew what that meant before! I hadn't eaten in a day in a half, so it was real, physical hunger, but my head was like, "I can't eat right now." That's never happened before. I didn't drink much either... maybe that explains my headache.
I know I need to crawl out of this.
First weigh in on my new scale tomorrow.
Long story short: I was walking a dog for my neighbor so she could go see her uncle, and one of the neighborhood kids got bit.
In the end it's all been worked out. It was a very superficial wound. The kid's parents are being reimbursed by my neighbor's insurance. There were no police involved. The neighborhood is secretly on my side because they know the kid is a monster and they've all had dealings with him. The kid's mom has told me everything is fine.
It's over. Everything is okay.
But I still feel very upset. There are so many things I wish I would've done differently, especially how it was handled afterwards. I keep obsessing about it. I can't sleep. I keep replaying it over in my mind. I have this horrible headache that won't go away. I don't want to leave the house. I feel like I failed the dog. Even though I want to kill the kid, I feel terrible that I didn't keep him safe. I keep crying. I don't want to walk dogs anymore, not even my own. My sister has had to walk our dog, and I feel ridiculous and useless.
I guess the one good thing is I lost my appetite. I never knew what that meant before! I hadn't eaten in a day in a half, so it was real, physical hunger, but my head was like, "I can't eat right now." That's never happened before. I didn't drink much either... maybe that explains my headache.
I know I need to crawl out of this.
First weigh in on my new scale tomorrow.
Friday, February 17, 2017
I'm back
I'm back! And I just figured out my password for this blog and was able to sign in. I found the below post in my drafts folder. I never posted it because it felt so negative, but it was the truth. I was very much on my own and I had a hard time finding support and I wasn't successful.
But I'm back now. Coming up on my four year sleeve-a-versary. A lot has happened, and there's a lot I want to do. I'm ready to get back on track.
I'll write a big update later, but for now I just wanted to officially check in.
**********************
I'm not sure of the date of this post.
I haven't been focused on my weight at all. I've been focused on school and my speed classes and that's not doing me any good because there are three weeks left in the quarter and I'm not going to pass. I will have to repeat those classes. This isn't unusual in the court reporting world, but it's very frustrating to devote all my time, energy, and focus into moving forward and still not make any progress.
I went to my regular doctor this past week and he was very excited about my 55 lb loss, but I was like eh. It should be at least 75 lbs. I've barely done anything in the last two months to better my health or stay away from crap food.
I've been seeing posts about people going for their six month check up, their nine month checkup. The last time i went to my surgeon's office was one month post-op and that's it. So I called to see if I needed to do any follow up and they said after the one month they don't need to ever see me again, except maybe once a year, but that's up to me. I was like, gee, thanks for caring.
I know I need to do this on my own, but a little support from the professionals in this field would be nice. I really thought when I I have no motivation and I have a million questions about nutrition that I would like to ask. I need to find a support group and maybe a nutritionist that specializes in bariatric. I live near a major city so you'd think it wouldn't be this freaking hard.
But I'm back now. Coming up on my four year sleeve-a-versary. A lot has happened, and there's a lot I want to do. I'm ready to get back on track.
I'll write a big update later, but for now I just wanted to officially check in.
**********************
I'm not sure of the date of this post.
I haven't been focused on my weight at all. I've been focused on school and my speed classes and that's not doing me any good because there are three weeks left in the quarter and I'm not going to pass. I will have to repeat those classes. This isn't unusual in the court reporting world, but it's very frustrating to devote all my time, energy, and focus into moving forward and still not make any progress.
I went to my regular doctor this past week and he was very excited about my 55 lb loss, but I was like eh. It should be at least 75 lbs. I've barely done anything in the last two months to better my health or stay away from crap food.
I've been seeing posts about people going for their six month check up, their nine month checkup. The last time i went to my surgeon's office was one month post-op and that's it. So I called to see if I needed to do any follow up and they said after the one month they don't need to ever see me again, except maybe once a year, but that's up to me. I was like, gee, thanks for caring.
I know I need to do this on my own, but a little support from the professionals in this field would be nice. I really thought when I I have no motivation and I have a million questions about nutrition that I would like to ask. I need to find a support group and maybe a nutritionist that specializes in bariatric. I live near a major city so you'd think it wouldn't be this freaking hard.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
onederland!
This past week there was a scale victory, and non-scale victory.
Scale victory
I have entered onederland! It took a lot, lot longer than I thought it would, but I really haven't done much to move the process along, so it was a surprise, and I am so freaking grateful. It has also motivated me to be better about what I'm doing to lose this weight.
NSV
This week at my new school they had the top ten students (which I am one of, yay!) do interviews with one of the top agencies in Chicago. We had to dress for the interview, obviously. In the past this would've caused a lot of drama since usually nothing in my closet fits, and I hate shopping since there are no appropriate clothes in any store in all of Chicago that would fit. I would've cried and contemplated quitting school and staying in bed forever. But this week I had a few options right in my closet that fit perfectly. These clothes still had their price tags on them since I'd never been able to wear them. I ended up going with long black pants, and an Ann Taylor top and cardigan that I love but I have never been able to wear before. I felt awesome.
A year ago at my other school, one of my teachers invited me to shadow him while he went on jobs. This was quite an honor to be asked, but I stressed about it for a week before declining because I knew I would never find appropriate clothes in my size. Also, I could barely walk.
Things are different now.
I think I'm going to buy these shoes since I can wear flats now without excruciating consequences. They're plum colored!
Scale victory
I have entered onederland! It took a lot, lot longer than I thought it would, but I really haven't done much to move the process along, so it was a surprise, and I am so freaking grateful. It has also motivated me to be better about what I'm doing to lose this weight.
NSV
This week at my new school they had the top ten students (which I am one of, yay!) do interviews with one of the top agencies in Chicago. We had to dress for the interview, obviously. In the past this would've caused a lot of drama since usually nothing in my closet fits, and I hate shopping since there are no appropriate clothes in any store in all of Chicago that would fit. I would've cried and contemplated quitting school and staying in bed forever. But this week I had a few options right in my closet that fit perfectly. These clothes still had their price tags on them since I'd never been able to wear them. I ended up going with long black pants, and an Ann Taylor top and cardigan that I love but I have never been able to wear before. I felt awesome.
A year ago at my other school, one of my teachers invited me to shadow him while he went on jobs. This was quite an honor to be asked, but I stressed about it for a week before declining because I knew I would never find appropriate clothes in my size. Also, I could barely walk.
Things are different now.
I think I'm going to buy these shoes since I can wear flats now without excruciating consequences. They're plum colored!
Friday, July 5, 2013
SanDi
San Diego!
There was some good. There was some bad.
The good.
My friend Reyes and I found a "secret" beach. I call it secret because there were only about 10 people on it. About 2,000 less people than the beach we usually go to. To get to this secret beach we had to climb down these scary, sheer cliffs. Fifty pounds heavier I never would've even entertained the thought of having to crouch and balance and pull myself up. But, fifty pounds lighter I managed with no problem and we spent the day on that amazing little beach.
The next day I went back with my cousin and I got up and down the cliff even faster.
The bad.
There was weirdness between my cousin and me. We are usually the best of friends, but on this trip everything felt way off and uncomfortable and I couldn't make it right. Finally, she exploded on me one night in a restaurant and I spent way too many hours trying to figure out if any of it was my fault or what I could've done differently.
Anyway, I'm almost done obsessing about it.
More of the good.
So, I flew back home and my parents picked me up from the airport and surprised me with a new car! It was to replace the one I'd lent to my mom and never got back. Now I can get to the gym and yoga and school and the grocery store. No excuses!
My mom cried when she saw me because I look so much smaller. My dad keeps commenting about how much weight I've lost too. My sister hasn't said a single word. At first it hurt my feelings but now I just tell myself, "People are weird."
There was some good. There was some bad.
The good.
My friend Reyes and I found a "secret" beach. I call it secret because there were only about 10 people on it. About 2,000 less people than the beach we usually go to. To get to this secret beach we had to climb down these scary, sheer cliffs. Fifty pounds heavier I never would've even entertained the thought of having to crouch and balance and pull myself up. But, fifty pounds lighter I managed with no problem and we spent the day on that amazing little beach.
The next day I went back with my cousin and I got up and down the cliff even faster.
This was the "easy way" up and down. No stairs.
The bad.
There was weirdness between my cousin and me. We are usually the best of friends, but on this trip everything felt way off and uncomfortable and I couldn't make it right. Finally, she exploded on me one night in a restaurant and I spent way too many hours trying to figure out if any of it was my fault or what I could've done differently.
Anyway, I'm almost done obsessing about it.
More of the good.
So, I flew back home and my parents picked me up from the airport and surprised me with a new car! It was to replace the one I'd lent to my mom and never got back. Now I can get to the gym and yoga and school and the grocery store. No excuses!
Not exactly what I would've chosen for myself, but it's iPod compatible and isn't that all that truly matters?
My mom cried when she saw me because I look so much smaller. My dad keeps commenting about how much weight I've lost too. My sister hasn't said a single word. At first it hurt my feelings but now I just tell myself, "People are weird."
Saturday, June 22, 2013
in motion
I'm leaving the desert in the next couple days, spending a few days in San Diego, and then back to Chicago to resume life. I'm sad to leave here. I'm happiest in the sun, near the mountains and ocean. But I'm excited to start a new school, yoga, and going back to my gym. I also miss my cats and my big bulldog Gus, and as much as they drive me cray cray, I do miss my family.
While I was here I had a good exercise buddy. Every night around 10pm he would make sure we went for a walk. At first it was less than a mile. But we worked up to two miles. Even if I didn't want to, which was most of the time, he got me up and off we went. Even if I had gone to bed really early, I would wake up later, and no matter what time it was, I'd get out of bed for his little hopeful face. I would never have done it for myself.
While I was here I had a good exercise buddy. Every night around 10pm he would make sure we went for a walk. At first it was less than a mile. But we worked up to two miles. Even if I didn't want to, which was most of the time, he got me up and off we went. Even if I had gone to bed really early, I would wake up later, and no matter what time it was, I'd get out of bed for his little hopeful face. I would never have done it for myself.
When I first got here three months ago it hurt to walk. The backs of my legs were so tight and the next day I could barely move and I was feeling actual physical pain. Now I have no problems, thanks to Clyde. Yay, progress!
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